Cycle 15, Episode 5: Karolina Kurkova

Ten girls remain.  This week the aspiring models traipse off to a tunnel in downtown LA for a runway show featuring Hervè Leroux gowns.  The twist?  They must walk on fast-moving conveyor belts and can't even practice before the show!  Later, supermodel Karolina Kurkova stops by to give the girls tips on healthy eating and a pep talk before the Lucha Libre inspired photo shoot with father-son photography duo Brakha x2.

Runway Challenge
ANTM shut down the 2nd Street tunnel in downtown L.A. for one of the hardest runway challenges yet.  The girls donned Hervè Leroux gowns, walking and alternately posing on a moving conveyor belt.  All wore high heels.  Some donned floor length gowns with trains.  None practiced on the moving runway beforehand.  This was truly a recipe for hilarity! 

To say the conveyor belt challenge was difficult would be an understatement. Denise Huxtable (Liz) found it so painful that she even said, "I'd rather have natural labor again than do this."

Let's review some of the funniest moments:

Casper (Chelsey) almost takes a nose dive but manages to regain her composure.

The audience is relieved they didn't pay to see this show.  The "Oh sh*t!!!" (center) reveals all.

Denise Huxtable (Liz) impersonates herself cursing on the runway. She ends her walk by elegantly stumbling off.

The audience reacts as disaster after disaster falls before them.

Giraffe (Ann) starts out shaky, then goes downhill at the end of the runway.  "Runners, take your mark!"

Snotty girls from L.A. laugh as the models flail helplessly.

Mo' Chocolate (Kendal) loses her shoe while tripping down the conveyor belt. The audience collectively winces.

Chester (Esther) makes a less than graceful appearance, then falls after exiting. Can we say model carnage?!

Serena (Chris) praises jesus for keeping her from falling over. Her enthusiasm makes Ms. J do his own impression of the god-fearin' lady in red.  "Woo Laaaawd!!"

In the end, the best walks came down to   Uma (Lexie) vs.   ReRun (Kacey).  Who would have thought these two could end up on top? Certainly not me! The challenge winner received Lisa Freede jewelry, and both girls were eager to earn their prize.  Ultimately, ReRun (Kacey) won, then proceeded to scream louder than a meth head at an AC/DC concert. Let's hope she never wins anything again.

You Are What You Eat

The following day, Andre Leon Talley showed up at the ladies house NOT wearing his signature man cape for the first time ever!  He introduced them to Karolina Kurvoka, a Czech supermodel who graced the cover of Vogue at the age of 16. She gave the ladies a lesson on what to eat and how to stay healthy as a model (good thing Anamarexic isn’t here!).  She also gave the girls a pep talk on modeling: "Pictures are about feeling. In this industry, it’s all personality, personality, personality!" Kurkova shared.

Well, it really seems like Tyra is stressing the health of a model during this bit, while at the same time giving Ms. Kurkova damn good PR.  If you’re like me, you had no idea who she was before this episode.  If you’re also like me, you wish they had shared the recipe for that smoothie she made – it looked good!

What a Tease!
What else is new? So-and-so yells at so-and-so. Then someone else gets involved and before long the whole drama is over with.  No. Big. Deal.

So WHY did the show teasers make it seem like this week's drama might lead Denise Huxtable (Liz) out of the competition? I got so nervous I swtched her out for Blockhead (Jane)!  And it ended up being no big deal after all.  Jeez!!  Why do I ever believe anything the teaser shows me in the first place?? In reality, the drama was so short that it's barely worth talking about. The girls must be getting over their PMS at this point to spring back so quickly.

So, to balance the drama (or lack there-of really), there was a mildly touching moment this week between the girls.  Even though I can't stand her, ReRun (Kacey) came up with a great way for the ladies to get to know each other better.  They wrote questions down on paper then passed them around and answered them.  It was a nice chance for the girls to bond.  As much as I don't like her, I think ReRun (Kacey) did make a step forward in a positive way with this gesture.

Photo Shoot: Lucha Va Voom!
This is one of the coolest photo shoots ever!!  The girls get inside a wrestling ring and pose opposite Mexican wrestlers while wearing high fashion editorial designs.  Bring on Lucha Libre!  The photographers this week are father and son duo, Eddie and Moshe Brakha of Brakha x2.

Above left: The Lucha Va Voom! girls get the crowd properly motivated. Right: The luchadores show off their swagger.

Some of the girls got into the fighting spirit of the challenge.  Mop Top (Kayla) [left] did well finding intensity in her face and making it believable.

Chester (Esther) really got into character as well. She gave a lot of variety and pleased Mr. J on set. However, later at panel, her photo didn't wow the judges. 

Casper (Chesley) was so-so.  She didn't commit enough to please Mr. J, however the judges thought she could skate by.

I was excited to see my new pick, Blockhead (Jane), perform during this photo shoot, but instead she fell flat and didn't bring it at all.  She wasn't connecting enough with the pose and the surroundings.  This disconnect might cause her to go home. Step it up, girl! I thought she was supposed to be competitive because she played lacrosse in college.  Where's the digging down deep?! Where's the rallying?? We need to see it!

One girl who really excelled was Serena (Chris).  She took a chance and asked Mr. J if she could jump during the shoot.  She fully committed to her pose and captured an amazing shot [right].

The one thing she could have done better was bring more intensity to the eyes.  This week, she is a strong contender for knocking Giraffe (Ann) out of winning first place photo yet again.

A Crack in the Armor
Giraffe (Ann) revealed a crack in her armor during her photo shoot this week.  She received some negative feedback initially from the photographers and Mr. J. 

"You gotta be confident! You're not confident! You're scared!" Eddie Brakha yelled.   Mr. J wanted her to be more versatile: "Don't just stand there holding the chicken head!"

Giraffe (Ann) ended up crying after leaving the set.  Thank god it was after and she didn't pull a Soup Coola' (Terra) by crying on set!  Our gentle giant relayed how she was nervous about "screwing up" because she claimed top photo several weeks in a row and felt the pressure to remain on top.  Tears flowed from her eyes...and mine.  It was touching to see a model who has won several weeks in a row show humility.  Usually when people are on top they get arrogant and think nothing can touch them.  Giraffe (Ann), on the other hand, lets her true feelings shine through and understands she is still vulnerable.  This is an extremely endearing quality.

“I started out having top photos. It's just really hard to stay on top.  I just don't want to screw up." ...  "I think I'm going to do really bad in panel. I really wanted to show them that I'm a good model." – Giraffe (Ann)

One of the models has figured Giraffe (Ann) out: Serena (Chris).  She observes Giraffe's (Ann's) behavior and calls it like it is: "She cracks under pressure. That's Ann's flaw."  Could this sensitive exterior ultimately send Giraffe (Ann) home in the coming weeks?? Let's hope not! I'm rooting for her to transition from insecurity to confidence so that she can blossom before the judges and win the title of America's Next Top Model!!!

Bad Fashion Side Note

The girls get called out as a group during judging for not wearing tank tops and jeans.  When are they going to learn?! This is Cycle 15, ladies! It’s time to shape up and learn the Tyra ANTM Rules!  The judges don't want to see your cocktail dresses!  They want to see a blank slate.  Wear the model uniform, damnit!  Tank top and jeans with pumps!  Learn it; live it; love it.  Why is this same mantra repeated EVERY cycle, yet the girls never seem to pick it up?  Isn't it already ingrained in them as audience members??

Mop Top (Kayla) gets singled out because she looks like she's going to a cocktail party.  They demand she fixes her hair.  And, that she does!

This is exactly why I think she is going to the finals – Mop Top (Kayla) [left] can model anywhere, anytime!

"When you come into judging, it's like a casting. All these cocktail dresses, it's not what it's about." – Nigel

But, the judges change their tune when Mo' Chocolate (Kendal) [right] steps up to the plate.  Instead of criticizing her, they compliment her on the outfit. Why is her dress okay, but Mop Top's (Kayla's) isn't??  This is exactly why I don't understand fashion...!

 Judging

Best Impression
The judges were fond of Denise Huxtable (Liz) because she had "light in her eyes."  But the reason her moment is memorable is because Tyra nails the impression of her:

"What you say, BIOTCH?!?!?!?!?!!!!"

Guess Who's On Top?
Giraffe (Ann) gets top photo AGAIN! That's 4 weeks in a row!! This is absolutely unprecedented!! She is a force to be reckoned with! The judges loved her photo this week, even though Giraffe (Ann) was worried she would fall from grace due to a lackluster performance.  Instead, she's a complete hit!

Nigel:              The eyes!
Andre:             And the mouth!
N:                    And the eyes!!
A:                    And the mouth!!
N:                    The eyes!!!
A:                    The mouth!!!

"It's sort of brilliant. Her awkwardness, her freakish height plays into fashion so well!  This is so editorial!" – Nigel

"I love the body language. She didn't need to do much because she's already so beautiful."  – Karolina

The Bottom of the Barrel
While most of the girls did okay in panel, in the end, it came down to two "non-cookie cutter" girls:  Uma (Lexie) and  Blockhead (Jane).  WHAT?!?! Not Blockhead (Jane)!!! I JUST switched to her!!!! NOOO!!! HELL NOO!!!! Not bottom two!! Oh no!!!!! NOOO!!!! NOOO!!! Holy mother f*cking God!!   ...okay, let me recover from the shock....

(The author requests you take a ten minute break...Seriously.)

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The most obvious person in the bottom two was Uma (Lexie) [right]. We all saw this coming.  We've seen her in the bottom two twice already and knew another trip to the bottom would surely be damaging.  It's rare that a girl can survive being in the bottom two for more than three weeks.

The judges explained that although she looked like a model in person, it wasn't translating on film. One of the best descriptions of why Uma (Lexie) sucked was gifted upon us by Andre Leon Talley:

"Lexie, to me, was 'Palm Beach socialite' having a fantasy party, and was photographed." -- Andre

The other person in the bottom two was Blockhead (Jane) [below]. This was completely unexpected based on last week's episode.  It seemed certain that ReRun (Kacey) was goin' down.  But, instead, the judges picked on Blockhead (Plain Jane) this week, perhaps to wake her ass up. 

I told you to smize, girl!! Why didn't you listen to me?!?! Blockhead (Jane) is such an idiot!  I don't know why I switched to her! She is uber UBER gorgeous, but she can't connect her body to her face. And she certainly can't smize for SH*T!  If you can't smize, you can't stay in the competition. It's a simple formula.

"She's lost. She really doesn't know what modeling is about. The picture's a disaster."  – Nigel

"I don't love this picture.  She's beautiful, but I think she really needs to work on her personality.  Beauty in this industry, it's not enough." – Karolina

"She's very plain Jane in life.  Drekitude!!!" – Andre

Although I was most afeared for my model pick Blockhead (Jane), deep down I knew she wasn't going home. It was her first time in the bottom two and she's stunning.  The judges agreed and sent three-time bottom feeder Uma (Lexie) home.

A Final Note for Blockhead (Jane)
You just got SOOO lucky, girl!! Wake UP! Now just use this low to really step up and show why you deserve to be there!! Reveal your personality more! Come out of your shell!  Let the judges know what you are about.  And do it NOW or you will go home! Smize the sh*t out of your eyes! Connect your body to your face! Model H2T, biotch!!! Get it TOGETHER – STAT, girl!!!