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Cycle 15, Episode 6: Patrick Demarchelier

The lengendary. The renowned. The incomprehensible.The girls start out with a bullshit challenge that's really just a plug for Walmart and CoverGirl.  Later, they head to Rodeo Drive for a photo shoot with legendary French fashion photographer, Patrick Demarchelier.  If you're not wet by his very name, you're not into fashion! Demarchelier also serves as guest judge on this week's panel.

A Growth Moment
We get an insight into Giraffe (Ann) this week, who is developing a sense of self-confidence and learning a lot about herself through the competition.

"I actually do feel like a model, and I'm not just the gangly girl that sits in the back of class.  I really do feel pretty now. I'm really happy I'm here." – Giraffe (Ann)

Truly moving. This shift in self-perception is something she will carry with her for the rest of her life.  It's beautiful to watch Giraffe (Ann) grow and begin to cultivate a strong sense of self.  It's not all roses though, because she now faces the challenge of putting her personality out there.  Typically the quiet, shy girl, she's not used to standing out in a crowd:

"I’m 6'2" and I'm pretty tall.  I think that being shy around people is kind of a defense mechanism because if I just stay under the radar then people aren't going to notice that I'm tall and they won't make fun of me for it or ask me questions about it like everyone does." – Giraffe (Ann)

Now that she is aware of this unconscious psychological strategy, she has an opportunity to work on it and tear down some walls. I have hope for her because she recognizes this is "homework" rather than some inherent flaw she can't control.  The only question is – can she do it fast enough?  If she can't blossom quickly, she won't remain in the competition.  As Casper (Chesley) points out, the judges want the entire package:

"You could tell [Ann] was so uncomfortable. In this competition, they're looking for the whole package, and a lot of the package is personality and being able to present yourself.  I don't think Ann can do that very well."

We shall see how Giraffe (Ann) progress with her homework and how quickly she can stride forward in the right direction. Good luck, girl!!

CoverGirl Challenge
The ladies end up at Walmart for a  CoverGirl challenge.  GROAN.  I hate watching product placements for big-box stores.  I don't see how ANTM can try to be all "green" in Cycle 9 and then have Walmart as a show sponsor. WTF?!?

After splitting up into groups of three, the ladies do a presentation on CoverGirl in front of a live audience of select Walmart customers.  It'd be pretty easy to impress folks who shop at Walmart.  It's not like they have discerning taste. 

This challenge was all about standing out in a crowd while also being the face of CoverGirl.  Who gives a shit about CoverGirl??  Isn't this a high fashion competition not a commercial competition?  They aren't winning a cover of Seventeen Magazine.  Shouldn't the judges be testing who can be the face of Italian Vogue??  What's with the sudden injection of being commercial?  Be high fashion!

The one fun part about this challenge was that the ladies had to watch a live video of the audience revealing how easy, breezy and beautiful they found the models.  Interestingly, at no point after did any of the models have a deep, meaningful conversation about 'perception' and how easy / difficult it is to control how we are perceived. You'd think some amazingly deep conversations would spring forth from the fodder Tyra has given them, but the ladies never reach this philosophical moment together. Apparently, they aren't smoking enough weed.

In the end, the audience liked Giraffe (Ann) the least.  Nigel warned her:

"You've had the best picture four weeks in a row. But there's a lot more to being a top model than just having the best picture. You've got to be personable."

DAMN!! Nigel is laying down a CLASSIC Top Model Rule! This girl better listen up and adjust right quick! When the judges outright lay down an ANTM Law to you, you best never hear this criticism again, or it will be on your exit night.  All this focus on Giraffe (Ann) and her lack of personality makes me nervous about her.  Time will tell how this model virtuoso will do.

The winners all got a mini shopping spree in the CoverGirl aisle of Walmart.  Oh wow, hold the applause. Compared to some of the other prizes, I would feel pretty jipped to win this.  After scavenging through the shelves of concealer, blush and eye shadow, the winning team then competed against each other to see who could put on makeup the best.  Chester (Esther) won and got a $1,000 Walmart gift card.  Whoop-dee-doo.
 

Left to right: Patrick Demarchelier (photographer), Mr. J (creative), Lori Goldstein (fashion stylist)Photo Shoot
The girls head to Rodeo Drive [a street so ritzy, it has it's own website] to work with one of the most sought-after photographers in the industry, Patrick Demarchelier. Bask in the glory of the most prestigious photo shoot in ANTM history! Tyra even showed up for the occasion.   The ladies were paired off with another girl and a male model then took group shots and later solo shots in motion.

Mr. J explained that the key to the shoot would be capturing a moment in reality. "We're not 'posing,' so listen to Patrick Demarchelier and just go with it."  Easier said than done--half the girls couldn't even understand what the French photographer was saying.

"Ils pensent que je parle comme un poulet."

Best Photo
Setting a new ANTM record, the best photo goes to Giraffe (Ann) -- AGAIN!! 

Tyra calls is like it is: "Ann, you're making this [competition] sooo not interesting!"  What can I say?  I love Giraffe (Ann), and I'm rooting for her to win, so her total domination of the competition makes me happy.

Andre Leon Talley LOVED her photos: "BE-YOOOND! BEY-YOND!!! Beyond everything EVER!!!!" he screamed then jizzed in his man cape.

Andre noted how versatile Giraffe's (Ann's) look is: "I know she's American, but I almost sense an English beauty."

While she should celebrate, this is no time to rest on her laurels either.  We definitely saw Giraffe (Ann) falter this week.  Mr. J said she seemed "almost as stiff on set as my silver locks."  In fact, she had such a hard time walking naturally that Tyra did an impression of her to show the other judges just how pitiful it was in person:

More troubling though, was the fact that Giraffe (Ann) was having a hard time bringing out her personality.  Nigel was critical, telling her:

"The still camera only catches a split second. But you're still going to have to do commercials and be in front of people.  As photogenic as you are, you also want our public to love you. So, try and work it out." – Nigel

When among his peers, Nigel was also quite frank, emphasizing the importance of personality:

"I wish I could get more out of her in front of me. It's so important. When I see her, I want to be inspired to book her."

Bottom Two
Will Mop Top (Kayla) and ReRun(Kacey) please step forward? Two beautiful young ladies stand before me. But I only have one photo in my hand, and this photo represents the girl who is still in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Model.  I’ll only call one name, and the girl that I do not call must immediately return to your home here, pack your bags, and go home.

Yep, that's right it’s down to ReRun (Kacey) – no SHIT she is in the bottom – and Mop Top (Kayla).  Mop Top?!?! WHAAAAAAAT?!?!  How did SHE end up in the bottom two?? She's headed for the top! There's no WAY she can get eliminated! What are the judges thinking??!?! DAMN!!! DAMN!

For any of you out there who knows what it's like to suffer for fashion, you may understand what Mop Top (Kayla) went through this week.  This poor girl was given shoes that a size too small, causing her feet to bleed and swell.  Unfortunately for her, she had a hard time concealing the pain on her face.

Tyra noted how both girls were disconnected in the photos this week.  Mop Top (Kayla) was disconnected because she showed the pain on her face.  I also think she took a hit for complaining about the shoes, rather than sucking it up.  Winding up in the bottom was the judges way of saying, "No whining. Take what you are given and make the most of it."

ReRun (Kacey) was disconnected because she looked hella snobby in her group shot and didn't interact well with the other models.  In her solo shot she didn't convey any emotion in her eyes. And in her movement shot, she didn't even bother to look at the camera. Drekitude.

And the Loser Is…
ReRun (Kacey)
In the end, the bitch finally went home.  Bye bye, Preparation H!!  Your saggy eyes are finally going back to Palmdale where they belong. 

Was this really a surprise, though?  We could all see this coming.  In her photos over the weeks, her eyes were "dead."  Smize or die, ladies!  Follow the Tyra mantra or pack your bags.  And when Andre Leon Talley calls you a "snooty, exiled African princess," you best be prepared for that long bus ride home. 

Mo' Chocolate (Kendal) called out ReRun's (Kacey's) weakness earlier in the episode: "Kacey, she be practicin' in mirrors all the time, but it still don't come across on camera. I think she more muscular. Like, she could be a fit model. I don't think she's right for Italian Vogue."  Apparently, neither did the judges. 

This washed-up model wanna-be took it extremely hard, breaking down in front of the judging panel and showing off her puffy bag eyes -- further confirming what a good decision it was to send her home. 

 

“It just felt like it was gonna be my time. It just sucks so bad, man! It just sucks SOOO bad. I feel so defeated, just so drained out. How do you go home after this? I'm never gonna get over this!!”  -- ReRun (Kacey)

Wow, she's NEVER going to get over it?  So much for learning and moving forward!  Good luck sucking your thumb, girl.  Hope that gets you far in your modeling endeavors.

Crockpot Theories: For Whom the Bell Tolls

Serena (Chris)

Strike 1: "It looks like a spread in Teen Vogue."

Strike 2: "From an editorial point of view, this is out."

She needs to navigate into the editorial sea and out of the commercial waters STAT! – otherwise she will be a capsized model. 

"Commercial" is an especially deadly label when competing for a cover of Vogue Italia. This is high fashion, baby, not Seventeen magazine.  Heed this warning, Serena (Chris), or you will go home.

Blockhead (Jane)

Strike 1: "Town & Country"
Strike 2: “Commercial"
Strike 3:  "Bad close-up"

Surviving these labels will be tough.  If she can't give good face, there is no way the judges will select her for the cover of Vogue Italia. 

On the plus side, she got runner up for best photo this week. Blockhead (Jane) is showing that she knows how to shine. However, the "commercial" label will continue to haunt her, so there's no relaxing in the coming weeks.  These are dangerous waters she is treading.  She's got to hit it HARD or her ship will sink. 

Quiz: Which Top Model Judge Are You?

Take the quiz yourself to find out which Top Model judge you are.  Turns out, I am Miss J. Alexander! How perfect is that?  That's exactly who I plan to be for Halloween!

Which ANTM Judge Are You?

More on America's Next Top Model. Created by BuddyTV

Cycle 15, Episode 5: Karolina Kurkova

Ten girls remain.  This week the aspiring models traipse off to a tunnel in downtown LA for a runway show featuring Hervè Leroux gowns.  The twist?  They must walk on fast-moving conveyor belts and can't even practice before the show!  Later, supermodel Karolina Kurkova stops by to give the girls tips on healthy eating and a pep talk before the Lucha Libre inspired photo shoot with father-son photography duo Brakha x2.

Runway Challenge
ANTM shut down the 2nd Street tunnel in downtown L.A. for one of the hardest runway challenges yet.  The girls donned Hervè Leroux gowns, walking and alternately posing on a moving conveyor belt.  All wore high heels.  Some donned floor length gowns with trains.  None practiced on the moving runway beforehand.  This was truly a recipe for hilarity! 

To say the conveyor belt challenge was difficult would be an understatement. Denise Huxtable (Liz) found it so painful that she even said, "I'd rather have natural labor again than do this."

Let's review some of the funniest moments:

Casper (Chelsey) almost takes a nose dive but manages to regain her composure.

The audience is relieved they didn't pay to see this show.  The "Oh sh*t!!!" (center) reveals all.

Denise Huxtable (Liz) impersonates herself cursing on the runway. She ends her walk by elegantly stumbling off.

The audience reacts as disaster after disaster falls before them.

Giraffe (Ann) starts out shaky, then goes downhill at the end of the runway.  "Runners, take your mark!"

Snotty girls from L.A. laugh as the models flail helplessly.

Mo' Chocolate (Kendal) loses her shoe while tripping down the conveyor belt. The audience collectively winces.

Chester (Esther) makes a less than graceful appearance, then falls after exiting. Can we say model carnage?!

Serena (Chris) praises jesus for keeping her from falling over. Her enthusiasm makes Ms. J do his own impression of the god-fearin' lady in red.  "Woo Laaaawd!!"

In the end, the best walks came down to   Uma (Lexie) vs.   ReRun (Kacey).  Who would have thought these two could end up on top? Certainly not me! The challenge winner received Lisa Freede jewelry, and both girls were eager to earn their prize.  Ultimately, ReRun (Kacey) won, then proceeded to scream louder than a meth head at an AC/DC concert. Let's hope she never wins anything again.

You Are What You Eat

The following day, Andre Leon Talley showed up at the ladies house NOT wearing his signature man cape for the first time ever!  He introduced them to Karolina Kurvoka, a Czech supermodel who graced the cover of Vogue at the age of 16. She gave the ladies a lesson on what to eat and how to stay healthy as a model (good thing Anamarexic isn’t here!).  She also gave the girls a pep talk on modeling: "Pictures are about feeling. In this industry, it’s all personality, personality, personality!" Kurkova shared.

Well, it really seems like Tyra is stressing the health of a model during this bit, while at the same time giving Ms. Kurkova damn good PR.  If you’re like me, you had no idea who she was before this episode.  If you’re also like me, you wish they had shared the recipe for that smoothie she made – it looked good!

What a Tease!
What else is new? So-and-so yells at so-and-so. Then someone else gets involved and before long the whole drama is over with.  No. Big. Deal.

So WHY did the show teasers make it seem like this week's drama might lead Denise Huxtable (Liz) out of the competition? I got so nervous I swtched her out for Blockhead (Jane)!  And it ended up being no big deal after all.  Jeez!!  Why do I ever believe anything the teaser shows me in the first place?? In reality, the drama was so short that it's barely worth talking about. The girls must be getting over their PMS at this point to spring back so quickly.

So, to balance the drama (or lack there-of really), there was a mildly touching moment this week between the girls.  Even though I can't stand her, ReRun (Kacey) came up with a great way for the ladies to get to know each other better.  They wrote questions down on paper then passed them around and answered them.  It was a nice chance for the girls to bond.  As much as I don't like her, I think ReRun (Kacey) did make a step forward in a positive way with this gesture.

Photo Shoot: Lucha Va Voom!
This is one of the coolest photo shoots ever!!  The girls get inside a wrestling ring and pose opposite Mexican wrestlers while wearing high fashion editorial designs.  Bring on Lucha Libre!  The photographers this week are father and son duo, Eddie and Moshe Brakha of Brakha x2.

Above left: The Lucha Va Voom! girls get the crowd properly motivated. Right: The luchadores show off their swagger.

Some of the girls got into the fighting spirit of the challenge.  Mop Top (Kayla) [left] did well finding intensity in her face and making it believable.

Chester (Esther) really got into character as well. She gave a lot of variety and pleased Mr. J on set. However, later at panel, her photo didn't wow the judges. 

Casper (Chesley) was so-so.  She didn't commit enough to please Mr. J, however the judges thought she could skate by.

I was excited to see my new pick, Blockhead (Jane), perform during this photo shoot, but instead she fell flat and didn't bring it at all.  She wasn't connecting enough with the pose and the surroundings.  This disconnect might cause her to go home. Step it up, girl! I thought she was supposed to be competitive because she played lacrosse in college.  Where's the digging down deep?! Where's the rallying?? We need to see it!

One girl who really excelled was Serena (Chris).  She took a chance and asked Mr. J if she could jump during the shoot.  She fully committed to her pose and captured an amazing shot [right].

The one thing she could have done better was bring more intensity to the eyes.  This week, she is a strong contender for knocking Giraffe (Ann) out of winning first place photo yet again.

A Crack in the Armor
Giraffe (Ann) revealed a crack in her armor during her photo shoot this week.  She received some negative feedback initially from the photographers and Mr. J. 

"You gotta be confident! You're not confident! You're scared!" Eddie Brakha yelled.   Mr. J wanted her to be more versatile: "Don't just stand there holding the chicken head!"

Giraffe (Ann) ended up crying after leaving the set.  Thank god it was after and she didn't pull a Soup Coola' (Terra) by crying on set!  Our gentle giant relayed how she was nervous about "screwing up" because she claimed top photo several weeks in a row and felt the pressure to remain on top.  Tears flowed from her eyes...and mine.  It was touching to see a model who has won several weeks in a row show humility.  Usually when people are on top they get arrogant and think nothing can touch them.  Giraffe (Ann), on the other hand, lets her true feelings shine through and understands she is still vulnerable.  This is an extremely endearing quality.

“I started out having top photos. It's just really hard to stay on top.  I just don't want to screw up." ...  "I think I'm going to do really bad in panel. I really wanted to show them that I'm a good model." – Giraffe (Ann)

One of the models has figured Giraffe (Ann) out: Serena (Chris).  She observes Giraffe's (Ann's) behavior and calls it like it is: "She cracks under pressure. That's Ann's flaw."  Could this sensitive exterior ultimately send Giraffe (Ann) home in the coming weeks?? Let's hope not! I'm rooting for her to transition from insecurity to confidence so that she can blossom before the judges and win the title of America's Next Top Model!!!

Bad Fashion Side Note

The girls get called out as a group during judging for not wearing tank tops and jeans.  When are they going to learn?! This is Cycle 15, ladies! It’s time to shape up and learn the Tyra ANTM Rules!  The judges don't want to see your cocktail dresses!  They want to see a blank slate.  Wear the model uniform, damnit!  Tank top and jeans with pumps!  Learn it; live it; love it.  Why is this same mantra repeated EVERY cycle, yet the girls never seem to pick it up?  Isn't it already ingrained in them as audience members??

Mop Top (Kayla) gets singled out because she looks like she's going to a cocktail party.  They demand she fixes her hair.  And, that she does!

This is exactly why I think she is going to the finals – Mop Top (Kayla) [left] can model anywhere, anytime!

"When you come into judging, it's like a casting. All these cocktail dresses, it's not what it's about." – Nigel

But, the judges change their tune when Mo' Chocolate (Kendal) [right] steps up to the plate.  Instead of criticizing her, they compliment her on the outfit. Why is her dress okay, but Mop Top's (Kayla's) isn't??  This is exactly why I don't understand fashion...!

 Judging

Best Impression
The judges were fond of Denise Huxtable (Liz) because she had "light in her eyes."  But the reason her moment is memorable is because Tyra nails the impression of her:

"What you say, BIOTCH?!?!?!?!?!!!!"

Guess Who's On Top?
Giraffe (Ann) gets top photo AGAIN! That's 4 weeks in a row!! This is absolutely unprecedented!! She is a force to be reckoned with! The judges loved her photo this week, even though Giraffe (Ann) was worried she would fall from grace due to a lackluster performance.  Instead, she's a complete hit!

Nigel:              The eyes!
Andre:             And the mouth!
N:                    And the eyes!!
A:                    And the mouth!!
N:                    The eyes!!!
A:                    The mouth!!!

"It's sort of brilliant. Her awkwardness, her freakish height plays into fashion so well!  This is so editorial!" – Nigel

"I love the body language. She didn't need to do much because she's already so beautiful."  – Karolina

The Bottom of the Barrel
While most of the girls did okay in panel, in the end, it came down to two "non-cookie cutter" girls:  Uma (Lexie) and  Blockhead (Jane).  WHAT?!?! Not Blockhead (Jane)!!! I JUST switched to her!!!! NOOO!!! HELL NOO!!!! Not bottom two!! Oh no!!!!! NOOO!!!! NOOO!!! Holy mother f*cking God!!   ...okay, let me recover from the shock....

(The author requests you take a ten minute break...Seriously.)

+ + + + + +

The most obvious person in the bottom two was Uma (Lexie) [right]. We all saw this coming.  We've seen her in the bottom two twice already and knew another trip to the bottom would surely be damaging.  It's rare that a girl can survive being in the bottom two for more than three weeks.

The judges explained that although she looked like a model in person, it wasn't translating on film. One of the best descriptions of why Uma (Lexie) sucked was gifted upon us by Andre Leon Talley:

"Lexie, to me, was 'Palm Beach socialite' having a fantasy party, and was photographed." -- Andre

The other person in the bottom two was Blockhead (Jane) [below]. This was completely unexpected based on last week's episode.  It seemed certain that ReRun (Kacey) was goin' down.  But, instead, the judges picked on Blockhead (Plain Jane) this week, perhaps to wake her ass up. 

I told you to smize, girl!! Why didn't you listen to me?!?! Blockhead (Jane) is such an idiot!  I don't know why I switched to her! She is uber UBER gorgeous, but she can't connect her body to her face. And she certainly can't smize for SH*T!  If you can't smize, you can't stay in the competition. It's a simple formula.

"She's lost. She really doesn't know what modeling is about. The picture's a disaster."  – Nigel

"I don't love this picture.  She's beautiful, but I think she really needs to work on her personality.  Beauty in this industry, it's not enough." – Karolina

"She's very plain Jane in life.  Drekitude!!!" – Andre

Although I was most afeared for my model pick Blockhead (Jane), deep down I knew she wasn't going home. It was her first time in the bottom two and she's stunning.  The judges agreed and sent three-time bottom feeder Uma (Lexie) home.

A Final Note for Blockhead (Jane)
You just got SOOO lucky, girl!! Wake UP! Now just use this low to really step up and show why you deserve to be there!! Reveal your personality more! Come out of your shell!  Let the judges know what you are about.  And do it NOW or you will go home! Smize the sh*t out of your eyes! Connect your body to your face! Model H2T, biotch!!! Get it TOGETHER – STAT, girl!!!

Top Model Gambling: The Big Switch

Based on Denise Huxtable's (Liz's) recent trips to the bottom 2 and her constant diva attitude during photo shoots, I've decided to switch her out for Blockhead (Jane).  Honestly, this could be the death of me in the gambling pool because I will lose points for making this switch, but I'm deeply concerned about the way Denise Huxtable (Liz) has been treading seriously dangerous waters.  The teaser for Episode 5 makes it seem like it's getting worse too, because Denise Huxtable (Liz) gets involved with drama between Uma (Lexie) and ReRun (Kacey).  Tyra is not down with diva-licious drama girls who yell in people's faces.  So, I feel there is no other choice but to make this switch.  Wish me luck.  I have no idea if this is the right move.  Blockhead (Jane) is not a completely solid pick because she is not smizing in her photos. However, I hope she can pick up the pace and learn quickly -- for my sake.

Getting cut:  Denise Huxable (Liz)

Taking her place: Blockhead (Jane)